First off, I’d just like to warn you that you will see an unreasonable amount of FNL gifs in this blog, because I finally finished the series. I started watching the show in like 2013, but *spoiler alert* when Tim Riggins goes to prison for his brother, I stopped. Like I COULD NOT continue. So for the next four years I just binged seasons 1-4, until the other night when my Mom just happened to be on season 5, and I got swooped back into the show. Needless to say, I stayed up until 4AM two days in a row; I’m finished and I’m sad it’s over.
With that being said, if you’ve never watched the show, just do it. Because you’ll never be the same again. ❤
Wow. Okay, so the end of the semester has hit me pretty hard. Y’all, I’m wearing a hat. I’ve never worn a hat because I couldn’t remember the last time I washed my hair. This is a first, and I feel very weird and a little ridiculous.
Assignment due dates are coming straight at me. Finals week is less than two weeks away. I have about a million things to do; papers to write; studying for exams. It’s one of those times in life where everything is stirred up. I feel like I’m moving at an unbearable pace, and I can barely keep up with myself.
But despite the crazy-busy season that is my life right now, I’m excited about the summer, because for the first time since I started college in 2014 I’m not enrolled in summer classes. So yeah, three months without classes or assignments–I can dig it.
Okay, so *clap hands together*
This isn’t just a blog about me droning on and on over my college life. I wanted to hop on here to share a few things with y’all. You see, I’m not really an open-book type of person. Unless you are reading my facial expressions, and for that I apologize. I have no control how my face tends to react in given situations. Anyways, there’s something that’s been on my mind lately, and I’d like to talk about.
For a good portion of my life I’ve been the girl that’s (somehow) always known as “perfect”. I didn’t get into trouble in school. I got good grades. I always followed the rules (still do). I wasn’t a typical teenager that felt the need to make my parents’ lives horrible. I was the thirteen-year-old girl thinking about her future plans and career goals. And because I never put myself in typical-teenage situations, somewhere along the way I was labeled the “goodie good”. Which kinda sucks, because that stupid name followed me around for a long time. (Occasionally, it still does.)
Truth is, I’m far from a perfect human being.
I mess up more than I can keep track of. I can be selfish and stubborn on a daily basis. I tend to have an attitude when I don’t get my way. I having crippling anxiety that comes and goes. I worry waaaaay to much. A lot of things in life scares me. I could tell you at least five things about myself I hate. I am shy, awkward, and slightly mean to people I don’t know (I really don’t mean to be). I get hateful and grumpy when I’m hungry. I can be a world-class bitch when I’m upset with you. (I’ve also been informed that I have Resting Bitch Face, so yeah…) I could carry on with the list, but…
I have this version of myself that I really want to be, though.
I want to be good. I want to be kind. Selfless. Considerate. Courageous. Genuine. Strong.
Vibrant. Funny. Creative. Compassionate. Confident. Soft-hearted.
F E A R L E S S
B R A V E
I N S P I R I N G
My relationships aren’t perfect. In fact, I’d hate them if they were. I work hard every day at them. My life isn’t perfect. I don’t wake up every single day full of joy and happiness. (And until I’ve had coffee, I’m in a pretty foul mood).
If you’re anything like me, you don’t like to mess up; you don’t like to admit defeat; you don’t like to not be good at something; you don’t like trying new things, because of the fear of failure lagging behind it. If you’re anything like me, you’re trying to convince yourself that it’s okay to mess up and make mistakes; it’s okay to not have all the answers; to not get everything your little heart desires.
I want to be a lot of things. But I’m not someone who has it all together.
And that’s okay.
To quote Mindy Collette Riggins from of Friday Night Lights:
“Listen, life’s gonna throw a bunch of crap at you, but all you can do is just put it in the past and leave it there.”
I think this is such an amazing piece of advice, because we spend so much time carrying things around from the past. Sadly, we allow those things to keep shaping us, and we don’t even know that’s what’s happening until it’s too late.
There’s a lot of crap in this world to deal with. We all have our issues, so don’t be so quick to judge someone based on what you’re seeing in one particular moment.
Everyone has a story.
And if you’re like me, I’m just someone doing her best to get by. With the help of some coffee, family and friends, and beautiful words.
{Of course, late evenings watching the Southern sunset dip in the sky helps too}
Until next time. ❤
Randi Garner 