chapter one. learning to love myself.

there are no stories left of the past.

this is a fresh start.

a piece of me that hasn’t been written yet.

i’m telling it as i go.

welcome to chapter one • learning to love myself.

• Adventure #3 – Robbers Caves – Oklahoma •

“To live will be an awfully big adventure.” J.M. Barrie • Peter Pan

I want to live. See things. Explore. Since I got home from Alabama I’ve had this overwhelming need to get out and move move move. It might be a way of temporarily satisfying the ocean bug that I seem to have. I don’t think it’s going to go away anytime soon.

I am slowly falling in love with my own solitude. I ravish in it. For the last couple of years I lost that aspect about myself. I hated being alone. I really don’t know why. In these last couple of months, though, I’ve relied on myself to be strong and decisive. I’ve dug deeper into my roots than I ever have before. Now, I don’t need someone or something to feel the void inside of me.

Literature (aside from my family) has filled me up and saved me so many times that I’ve lost count. Words will always have a deep, cutting effect on me. Through my writing and reading; being fully present in the small moments I catch my family laughing; linking arms and getting through the bad together with an unexpected friend that came into my life when I needed her the most; reading a story that resonates with me in every space of my heart; watching someone do something they’re passionate about—these are the things that make me love the life I have, and love the person that I’m slowly becoming.

It’s funny how many doors open and opportunities come your way when you’re on the path you’re supposed to be on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s scary to transition out of your comfort zone. If you’re anything like me you despise change. Funny thing is that now change excites me. I used to look into the future and have a mild anxiety attack, because it’s inevitable—life and change are like a package deal. One doesn’t come without the other.

Life is set up by our choices. Choosing to go or stay, laugh or cry, get the double scoop or single scoop of ice cream (Braum’s is killin’ me with their chocolate almond ice cream), or choosing to be happy or unhappy (yes, it really is that easy). I am simply choosing to be happy, to love who I am, and to be strong.

I know I’m using the l-word a lot here, but seriously, life’s too short to waste away. Take it from me—someone that is choosing to learn from her past instead of wallow in it. I refuse to look back and think life will never get better. It will. I know it. I feel it in my bones, my heart, my gut. The world is bigger than what you can only see right now. Trust in that. Let that give you hope.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t my best idea to go hiking in our 100 billion degree weather. Maddie and I were close to passing out from the sticky humidity choking us to death, but no pain, no gain, right? *insert nervous laughter here* It gave us an excuse to eat Mexican and get snow cones. I’ll be honest… We mostly sat (laid) in the caves where the rocks were ice cold.

Note to self & anyone else thinking of hiking in this weather: don’t.

As you all probably are aware, I’m OBSESSED with Rupi Kaur’s book, Milk & Honey. I am literally freaking out, because I love her poetry SOOOOO much. And I used to hate poetry. I highly recommend her to everyone on this frickin’ planet. Her second book, The Sun & Her Flowers, comes out in October (it’s already been preordered). Here’s a little piece she released:

FullSizeRender 3

In this particular chapter of my life, I feel like this is should be on the front page. It’s become my very own promise to myself.

July 15th was the day this chapter began.

In part three of the art of finding myself I told y’all I was going to throw the wedding bands off the ferry in Mobile Bay. Well, I did. At first I was sad, but afterwards, it was like I could finally breathe. All the baggage and weight that was strapped on me slid right off, and a peaceful feeling washed over me. This, by far, was one of the most spontaneous, exhilarating, awesome experiences I’ve ever done in my life. It was the perfect way to enter into a new beginning. (For the actual video, you can go to my FB page. Link is at the bottom of page!!)