In the last three months I’ve got a new job as a Library Aide at a local public school • made some pretty great friends • hiked my little heart out • got a tattoo • started my junior year of college
There’s more, but these are just some of the highlights.
Yesterday, I roamed around downtown with my best friend with a polaroid camera. We signed our names on dirty glass windows. We stood in front of the paintings on the buildings. Attempted to take decent pictures together without someone there to do it for us. We laughed until we cried.
It was a great day.
I’ve kind of been on this kick in my life. By “kick”, I mean I stay super busy. I go to work in the library during the day and head off to class mid-afternoon. Between all of that I squeeze in time to work on homework, answer messages for Mom’s photography, keep up with my social life, drink enough water, all the while catching some sleep. This last month, specifically, has been a wild, fast paced rollercoaster. I have school to thank for that.
But y’all. I love my job. I love being surrounded by books all day, everyday. I love helping kids find something to read. I love the atmosphere and when new books come in. Point is, I LOVE MY JOB ❤
A lot of people ask me what I plan on doing after I graduate with an English degree. Most people assume I’m going to be a teacher. Truth is, I have no freakin’ idea what I want to do. Actually, that’s a lie. I really don’t care what I do, as long as I get to write.
More honesty up ahead.
Life has really been challenging me lately. And by that I mean, I’ve been forced to step out of my comfort zone. A big one that recently took me by surprise: getting asked out on dates.
Look. I’m just going to be blunt.
I am a selfish person when it comes to my time. I am VERY simple and laid-back. I don’t have any drama currently stirred up my life. Seriously. I don’t fight with my friends or family. I’m not in a relationship of any kind, so that area stays pretty drama free. You still think I’m kidding. I’m not. When new opportunities to form new relationships present themselves, I’m eerie and question the hell out of it. Do I really need this in my life? I’m doing really good right now. I have my routine down and inviting someone in will only mess that up. There are times in your life where you should just stop thinking and do. Getting asked out by guys, that are nice and genuine, is one of those times.
I’m not going to go in much detail about my dating life. That’s a whole other blog that I will probably never write. *insert nervous laughter here* Besides, there’s nothing to really tell. For those of you that care AT ALL, you’ll know when I meet the right guy.
The point of my blabbering is this:
Last night, I was looking at all of the pictures Maddie and I took and it hit me. I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone for a long time now. Actually, I’ve been anxiously awaiting for a situations to present themselves where I am forced to step out of my safe zone, because in those fleeting moments I can physically feel myself being molded and shaped as life continuously pushes me.
It’s freedom and happiness and exhilarating all at once.
I think back to last semester. I was the girl that planned EVERYTHING. Going throughout my day without a schedule would’ve been the equivalent of walking off a cliff blindfolded. I think back now and laugh at that version of myself, because now, I’ve developed a very whatever-I’m just going to roll with it type attitude. I go where I’m supposed to be at given times (work & class), but for the most part I play the rest by ear. AND I LOVE IT. I love the fact that I don’t know what I really have going for next week. I love how I make my weekend plans so randomly.
Spontaneous used to be something I feared, but now I’m addicted to it.
As happy as I am with my life, don’t think I have everything together. I’ve been in a funk for the last couple of weeks. I’m blaming it on the cooler weather. Maybe it’s because the sun doesn’t shine as bright, and the air has that bitter chill to it that makes it harder to get out of your warm bed every morning.
Last week, I wasn’t as chatty as usual, writing didn’t come as easy, and reading didn’t appeal to me. Hell, the other morning I didn’t want coffee. *insert jaw drop here* I KNOW. I can’t speak for y’all, but for me when the seasons change it reminds me that time is moving forward. My brain instantly reacts to that thought. It feels like the air gets sucked right out from my lungs. I start asking those heavy questions like, What if nothing in this world can make me happy? Which is stupid, because I don’t depend on anyone or anything to make me happy. That’s my job. And that’s where I get my answer.
Last week, and part of this week, I was mentally drained. School hit me hella hard. I felt like life was just crumbling into pieces. I mean, here I have this list of all the homework I need to do, messages that need to be answered (so sorry for taking forever), and then all the extra adult life things that need to be done.
It wasn’t until yesterday that the fog lifted and I was able to catch my breath. I was sitting outside on campus reading my book, and it was super therapeutic. I was able to appreciate the fall weather (and by that, I mean the cool breeze in the shade).
This is where I had to take a step back and reevaluate what was going on in my head. It’s so crazy how we can think ourselves up to be stressed or nervous, when really we just need to get a grip and keep going. Ride out the storm.
Like I said, when I finally sat down, chilled, and started reading, my thoughts vanished and I leveled out.
• So, in case you didn’t catch on, I found the BEST place on campus to sit and read. The bench is comfortable. It’s under a shady tree. There isn’t a lot of traffic between classes. I’m just really excited about this spot, because it’s everything I’ve been looking for. Anyways, yesterday, while waiting for my German class, it was, the princess saves herself in this one by Amanda Lovelace (shout out to my close friend, Aubrey, for letting me borrow her copy <3). I recommend it if you’re looking for a good poetry read. You can also follow me on Insta or Sc if you want to see excerpts from books like this. I post regularly. Links to my social media are at the top menu •
In these last three months so many relationships and events have happened in my life. I can’t imagine what I’ll be writing about on here three more months from now. Maybe it’s the writer in me that can’t wait to see how my story goes.
The point is that I’m doing okay in life, and that’s something to be excited about.
Randi Garner 