• Here’s to { 2018 } •

I’m sitting at my antique, distressed white kitchen table. There is a vase of fake sunflowers in the center (because I ain’t about real flowers; they die and end up stinking). My fox blankets are folded up on the chairs. My house smells like peppermint, curtesy of Aubrey for getting me these amazing peppermint bark wax melts. Mia, my Yorkie Poo, is relentlessly bugging me to throw her toy bone. Paris, my Shihtzu, is looking at her from across the room like she loathes her. It’s quite entertaining.

I’m listening to “Who Do You Think You Are” by Angus & Julia Stone. Their album, Snow, is delightful. Angus Stone’s voice is like a being under warm, cozy blanket with a cup of coffee on a dreary day. Seriously.

I just ate some gluten free pancakes with my parents and Leo. They were delicious. Also, Mama made some GF chocolate chip sugar cookies, and let’s just say I’ve eaten about six since I woke up. No shame tho. Cookies and coffee are like my favorite thing ever. Speaking of, I’m about to pause on writing this and make my second cup of coffee for the day.

I came into the last day of the year by staying up until 4 AM watching movies with Mama, and woke up at 10 AM to the smell of beans and a roast simmering in the crockpot. Something about waking up to the smell of food… *deep sigh of bliss*

If you’re like me, you’re reflecting on the past year you’ve had. The phrase that keeps playing like a broken record in my mind is this: It’s funny how much changes in the short time span of twelve months.

It’s no secret. 2017 and I had a lot of ups and downs. We didn’t see eye-to-eye on most things, and when my personal life fell into absolute shambles, I thought WTF is your problem? I was forced to pick myself up off the ground, with the help of the wonderful people in my life, and decide if I was going to let this thing that happened break me.

I guess I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I used think I was fragile; a leaf dangling from a branch, one gust of air and I’d break right off. Turns out I have a fire burning in my belly that keeps me going. I learned how beautiful pain can be once you make it through to the other side. There’s mountains waiting to be climbed; oceans waiting to be sailed in.

Pain was just merely a part of that lesson.

Like when I was seven-years-old and busted my head open. I kept jumping up on the counters to get in the top cabinets. My dad repeatedly told me, “You’re going to bust your head open. Quit doing that.” But hello, I’m stubborn and didn’t believe it’d ever come to that. And then like a week later, I opened the cabinet door first, which was my first mistake, and jumped straight up into the corner of it. Gashed my head open like three inches deep, blood was everywhere, and thus a night in the emergency room. It hurt like hell and all the blood was terrifying–like something you see in a Stephen King movie–but that particular pain taught me to a) listen to my father when he tells me not to do something, and b) be smarter when jumping up on the counters.

I learned that often times the universe prepares you for what it’s about to throw at you. It can seem cruel and heartless, but down the road it gives you an explanation. In the end, you get it. You understand and you’re kind of grateful it had your back.

I learned that being vulnerable is okay. We are all human. We sympathize and relate with one another. We are all alike and different and it’s beautiful.

I learned to take issues with a grain of salt. A flat tire; no problem, it’s fixable. A bad grade isn’t the end of the world. Those few extra pounds on the scale are just a number; am I happy with myself?

I learned to be fearless. You jump, I jump, Jack.

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2017 was shitty, no doubt about it, but it also gratifying in more ways than I could ever put into words.

It wasn’t empty-handed, either.

It brought my family even closer than we were (if you can believe it). It brought me life-long friends like Madie and Aubrey, career opportunities, long walks on the beach, a new world of live music, vanilla spiced chai lattes, music on vinyl, amazing book discoveries, tattoos, blonde hair, sense of adventure, solitude, empathy, and freedom.